Days 70 + 71 (May 25-26)
I know you are all thinking that I’m just lazy and grouping my days. But there is method to the madness. The groupings are usually once a week, on the weekends. This week there was a Jewish holiday, so there was another doubling up of days.
The reality of Haley’s separate world is setting in the more we try and do normal things. The playground is getting quite depressing, though we go there because Anna is for the most part preoccupied all the while feeling like she’s hanging out with her sister. But even the mere socialization with other children, younger and older, and feeling your confidence build as you negotiate the infant jungle gym. I wonder how this separation will affect her. I hope it doesn’t change her giggly self. It will be more and more important that she has Anna to entertain her (and luckily, Anna is the entertaining type).
We tried out some part-time help this week, so that I can go out and do errands, take a jog, something like that. But the first time Haley saw her (and subsequent meetings), Haley’s screamed at the top of ther lungs. Haley’s never done that before to anyone, not even to the nurse’s assistants who weren’t always very gentle with her. Despite her best efforts, part-time babysitter just made it more stressful. I could barely leave the two of them alone together. I’m sure I’m hypersensitive to my kids crying now, but still. Haley’s default is to smile. So to be screaming so loudly that I can hear it in the elevator on my way up to the apartment is not something I can handle.
There were no guests over the past couple of days.
First Funny moment was Anna, who just got a new Cinderella dress. Now she walks around the streets of New York City, saying “I’m Anna. I’m a princess.”
Second funny moment was Anna at the park, spotting a year-old kid, just trying to walk, father right behind her. Anna grabs her hand, and says “you look lost, I’ll help you find your way.”
Is it posible Haley was just telling you she doesn’t like that particular babsitter? Do you have access to any others who might be better at promoting smiles? It is wonderful that you are trying to get some down time to jog. I hope you won’t stop. Just keep reminding yourself that this separate world is not forever. Haley’s socialization and interpersonal skills still have lots of good, safe time yet to get stronger. And once you are back in DC your friends will, I’m sure want to sanitize their children so that Haley’s contacts broaden. And with super-Anna as protector of the weak and innocent and big sister with whom to play and watch, it will only get better. I hope this is a good week and that you can continue jogging in Central Park.
Linda
May 27th, 2007 | #
This is such a poignant post. But do remember how well Haley has done so far. A baby who can wrap the hospital staff around her finger like Haley has done is not un-socialized. And it sounds like she’s doing absolutely the best she can in physical development. And, finally, I’ll repeat that Haley’s separate world is temporary.
I was an English major, and if I were writing a paper on this post, I’d say that the key to unlocking the text is “There were no guests over the past couple days.” I hope more visitors come soon to lift your spirits and engage Haley.
May 27th, 2007 | #
We’re baaaaack!!! Our visit to family in Cleveland was great but we suffered from “Haley Withdrawal”. Now that we’ve caught up with what’s been going on we feel a sense of relief. However, your last entry sounds a little sad. You will find someone to babysit. Remember, when the nurses are with Haley poking and prodding, you are there. It is very different for Haley to see you walk away and leave her. This is part of normal separation anxiety which works in cycles and it is not surprising that Haley is experiencing it now. If you feel confident about the person you choose to leave her with, she will be fine in the long run. It is very important for you to have some time to yourself, whether you use it for errands, an art museum visit or sitting at Starbucks drinking coffee.
Anna is incredible. The princess “shtick” is cute and age appropriate, but her offer to help the “lost” toddler is priceless. Anna is certainly a creative thinker! She will take up the slack in the socialization department and get Haley socialized. Haley is lucky to have Anna for a big sister and Anna is lucky to have little sister Haley who is so responsive to her antics. It seems like a great symbiotic relationship.
Tansy, things will work out — babysitter, park, immune system, red blood cells, etc. As trite as it sounds, just take one day at a time. We are rooting for all of you!
May 27th, 2007 | #