Day 74 (May 29)
White Blood Cell: 6.5
ANC: 4.9
Platelets: 172
Hemaglobin: 9.1
Tcells: 165
Bcells: 623
Before I say anything, let’s hear it for those platelets! That has been the most fun number to watch. The Hemaglobin has fallen, but they have cancelled clinic on Thursday altogether, wanting to see the effect of not taking her blood out on her Hemaglobin levels. And the magic number, so long as the red blood cells level off at some point, are those Tcells; they need to passed the 200 mark before we can go home.
Today, Haley spoke her first words, and they were “Happy Bad Mother’s Day!” Before I get a bunch of comments telling me I’m not a bad mother, you must understand what happened this morning. I am supposed to lather on the lidocaine about an hour and half before I think they will draw her blood. Only this time, they drew her blood a half hour earlier than I had anticipated. Remind you, it is no needle that you’ve ever seen. So when it when in, and Haley screamed, I’m sure I heard her singing “Happy Bad Mother’s Day to you.”
Luckily, we went out to brunch with favorite nurse on her day off. She kept saying she can’t get over how good Haley looks. In fact, the Attending who wants to marry her and the Attending on call said in surprising voices how good she looks. So the question i had, naturally, was what is she supposed to look like? It was the sudden reminder, after a great weekend, of all the things that could go wrong. That even if everything would be OK, oftentimes, the patients don’t look it.
Guest today was favorite nurse, though we were at a cafe, and not at the apt. Passersby were Aunti Lori and Uncle Lenny, who met us outside while en route to a dinner.
Funny moment of the day was when Anna, decked out in her new Cinderella dress, was watching the dancing scene between Cinderella and the Prince.
Anna: Mommy, can you dance with me?
Me: Sure, Cinderella. Am I the Prince?
Anna: No, your the mommy! Now can you twirl me?
Hooray platelets–great job!!!! We can’t wait until they climb over the 200 mark so we can see you all. Looking forward to having some very princessy playdates with Anna when you get back! Love, heather
May 30th, 2007 | #
Go Tcells go! Go Tcells go! I’m planning a special meditation today directed at those Tcells. Zapping them with luv!!!!!!!
I think Favorite Nurse is an angel. And I think what Attendings were commenting on was how great Haley is doing, which is such a positive statement. There is something so robust and alive about that sweet little girl that is helping her recover, not to mention the level of love and care surrounding her. Plus, she probably looks healthier than when she was in the hospital. She’s eatingi better, right? And throwing up less and less? So what they were responding to is how she looks in comparison to how she did look. Besides, when you’ve got Cinderella for a sister, you’ve got some pretty special magic in the air!
Seriously, Tansy, I know it is hard to let go of thoughts of “what if”. I do think the “what is” is glorious today, and that is something to hold on to. Not to get too preachy, sometimes we friends give well-meaning advice that may seem rather self-apparent, but when I get afraid I sit down and force myself to write a ten item gratitude list. Usually, by the time I’m through, it’s longer than ten items. At the top of my list this morning is Haley, and the insight that being on this blog has given me into the nature of commitment and love. xxoo….cristina
May 30th, 2007 | #
I was about to write, “Tansy, don’t be so hard on yourself about the lidocaine–you couldn’t have known they would give it early.” (which is true). But I think the last few posts have been about your struggle with things that you couldn’t have known and can’t know. You are having to do an impossible dance between control and the lack of it. You are controlling everything you can with yogurt & sweet potatoes, lidocaine, Purell, aggressive advocacy for your daughter; and then you are faced with all the things you can’t control, like air, doctors, and uncertainty. It’s a wonder your head hasn’t exploded by now.
I’m glad you got to spend some time with favorite nurse. She must really appreciate what you’re going through, and all the hard work you are doing. Haley looking great is a sign of all that is going well. She will come out of this with the knowledge that she is deeply loved and cared for, and with a wise and understandable aversion to large needles.
May 30th, 2007 | #
Hooray for those platelets indeed!! It is so much fun to watch them climb. I know you are so nervous about the “what ifs”, of course you are, but Haley is healing and time is marching on (already day 74!), and I think you’ll feel more confident with each month that passes. In fact, you may find that the challenge ends up being that you are inclined to be too relaxed with Haley. That probably seems hard to imagine now, but she’s on such a good trajectory, and once she starts moving and keeping up with Anna more, the fact that she needs more protection than the average little bear may not register as strongly and loudly. But of course you will be vigilant being the WONDERFUL, and not one bit bad, mother that you are. Oh- that reminds me, I meant to follow up on a comment you made a few postings ago which read something along the lines of, “I know you think I’m being lazy…” I actually don’t think you’ve had a lazy moment in over 74+++ days!! And following up on one other comment, Eudice’s comment about the bubble movie totally cracked me up. love, Dana P.S. One more thing- I think the fact that everyone is so impressed by how great Haley looks is a fabulous sign. What a little star she is!
May 30th, 2007 | #
P.S. from Dana: I didn’t come up with that feeling-too-relaxed theory on my own. I’m drawing from my Mom’s experience from the last year which started with “NO BLUEBERRIES!” and is culminating, one year out, with, “Cov has rotavirus? Well, I’ll just be careful not kiss him on the lips when I hold him.”
May 30th, 2007 | #
Great news about the platelets – and we’ll all be doing cheers for the Tcells! It’s really nice that you’re keeping in touch with Favorite Nurse. Haley (and you) must have made quite an impression on her for her to meet up with you on her day off.
My girls have just started to enter their “princess phase” – Gaby recently told us to call her “Gaby Princess Flowers.” Looking forward to Anna returning to DC so she can give them some tips from a seasoned princess.
Thinking of you, Ranan, Haley & Anna,
Deb
May 30th, 2007 | #
Yeah for those numbers! And I’m very happy to hear that you had lunch at a cafe and that favorite nurse makes time for Haley and you on her days off. I’m sure those numbers will keep climbing, and even if Haley said bad mommy, she’ll get over it–she’s stuck with you! I hope the pollen goes down and it stays cool and you continue to enjoy the outdoors. Don’t fall off the swing or jungle gym! what about disposable rubber gloves for playground? love seema
May 30th, 2007 | #
So great to hear about those numbers — we are anxiously awaiting your homecoming and can’t wait to shower you all with hugs and kisses…
May 31st, 2007 | #
Hooray for Haley! We are all pulling for her here in DC. Yoni cannot wait to have a princess playdate with Anna when she returns to DC.
June 4th, 2007 | #