March 1, 2008: How to Lose a Customer
Step 1: when there is a problem, don’t alert your customer of the issue.
Step 2: even when the customer knows of the problem and calls you to discussit, don’t call them back. And memorize their number so that when they call into the office, everyone is instructed to let it go to voicemail.
Step 3: If someone in your office didn’t get the memo not to pick up the phone and talks to the super angry (but well composed) customer, deny you even got the messages.
Step 4: When it’s clear to you and the customer that you are well aware of her attempts to contact you, blame it on a) the new guy, and b) the economy.
Step 5: When it’s clear that you have done the absolutely most passive-aggressively approach to customer service, don’t respond anymore to the conversation. Rather, stay on the phone and just breathe heavily.
Step 6: When the customer says she is taking her daughter elsewhere for care, definitely ask if she can kindly not spread the word about her experience.
Such has been the case with Haley’s PT care. They just suddenly canceled two weeks ago, and despite the PT person assuring me they are doing everything they can to find a replacement, they had never done such.
Of course, I call heartful hematologist, who reminded me that there are many people who have bent and will bend over backwards to help us out. Yay for the good guys. I can’t book the bad guys enough.
Aside from that, slowly goes the eating and walking, but the giggles remain at an all-time high. If there was some way to bottle her level of optimism and sell it, Haley could single-handedly revive the world economy.
Coming soon, an ode to bacon.
